Kevin has been backing up pictures and video the past couple of days. Last night he and I watched some video of the boys from those first few months. My heart ached and still does. I miss those guys! I want to kiss those sweet noses, whisper to them that they are my miracles, and feel their warmth on my chest. I was disapointed that some of the video was not familiar to me at all. There I was living those beautiful moments and I can no longer remember them. The sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion that we experienced those first few months have robbed me of some of life's most precious memories. I do remember some of it, but it is fuzzy. Things that happened five years ago are much sharper in my memory than the boys arrival 20 months ago. I am so sad.
I love how active they are now, how expressive and loving. I look forward to what is to come, but I can't help but wish I could push that magic button every once in a while and have my babies back. Those sweet beautiful gifts.