Girl Disapearing

I used to know the girl in the picture. Today she seems so far from memory. She actually asked her husband to take this picture so that one day after she had children she could relish in her once flat stomach, beautiful tan and glamorous life. She spent her days on her. Painting her nails, styling her hair, shopping at will and planning her next social event. She took a lot for granted, saw the world through a very narrow lens, and didn't really quite know the meaning of selflessness.

Some days I miss her, I miss the simplicity of the life she led. I miss her sharp wit and creative thinking. I most definitely miss her flat stomach. I learned a lot from her as I began to realize how much she really didn't know. I'm not really sure when she left and I'm certain she's not coming back. For now I'll keep her memory tucked away, thank her for lessons learned and the perspective she has provided.

The new fence

Dad and his well intentioned helpers

Anderson in his self proclaimed "farm"

Anderson has a little pot

Jake loves his slide

Time for an update. We've had lots going on between our mini-vacay, fence installation, wedding anniversary and pending bathroom remodel. The weather is finally starting to turn and we've had a few nice days here and there. This weekend is supposed to be beautiful so Kevin and I are already making plans to make the most of it.

On Saturday we had a fence installed. Not because we are getting a dog...but because we have two active and curious toddlers. The boys listen fairly well, most of them time, but that just isn't often enough for me to feel comfortable letting them run and play with myself as the lone supervisor. I can out run one at a time, but if they head in different directions I can't snatch one up and run/carry him to grab the other. It is an expensive piece of mind but you really can't put a price on that. They love to be outside and I just can't imagine having to keep them in everyday this summer till Kevin gets home from work.

On Monday Kevin and I celebrated 8 years of marriage. We have been together 15 years in total. I love that we have grown up together and if I may brag just a little I think we have done a great job building our lives together. It's hard to remember times before Kevin, he has played such an integral part of my life. I learn daily from him, he makes me laugh, loves me despite my faults and is my best friend. I love him.

The bathroom remodel is indeed pending. We have been dealing with the insurance company, a fired agent handling our case, delays, two construction companies, and now a third quote. I naievely thought the cost would be about a quarter of what it actally is. I'm in sticker shock to say the least. Unfortunately we are not in much of a barginning position. The bathroom needs structural improvements due to a shotty job done by the builder. The house is only 6 years old, it infuriates me.

The boys are doing awesome. Both are speaking in 4-5 word sentences. Their memories are amazing...they keep asking to go back on vacation to the ferris wheel and waterfall. Right now they are obbessed with the movie "Cars". They are seasoned collectors of Mater, Lighting, Doc Hudson, Sally, etc... They spend their days reinacting the movie with their cars, chasing eachother around the house, and reading books with Mom. I love watching their bond with eachother develop and deepen. I can't get enough of them. By 7:30 I'm so ready to put them to bed and an hour later I want to wake them up so I can listen to their chatter and kiss on their little cheeks. I actually miss them while their sleeping.

They make us laugh daily with their random comments. Here are a few:

"Jake, you are making mom nervous"

"I'm scared of monsters"

"I eat losers for breakfast"

"What sound is that"

"I hear the ice cream truck"

SkyWheel

Niagara Falls 2009-Day 2

After a really long night the boys woke up bright and early for some fun at the waterpark. We started off in the toddler area. They had a water slide that the boys could go down on their own. They LOVED that. They went over and over and over again. Kevin and I were exhausted from helping them out of the pool, up the stairs and then racing to beat them back down to the bottom so we could catch them. After we tired from that we tried to convince them to try something else.

I asked someone working their if we could take them on any of the raft rides. She said that they were big enough for one of the family raft rides so we climbed hundreds of stair while holding them, waited close to 40 minutes for our turn, and then proceeded to take them on a terror ride. I ass*umed that it would be a pretty low key ride since she said 2 year olds could ride it but that was a bad assumption. We all loaded up in a circular raft, held on tight to the boys and scared the living daylights out of them. Their little faces were terrified as the raft swung from side to side up the sides of the water tube. It was fast, rough and way too much for little people. I felt horrible for subjecting them to that. They were so frozen in fear that they were trying to talk, cry, scream but couldn't. They were just holding on for dear life hoping it would end soon.
When we reached the bottom the guy that helped us out of the raft radioed up the operator not to let such little ones on the ride. Clearly a mistake had been made. Thankfully no one got hurt.

To settle things down a bit we headed for the lazy river and loaded the four of us up on a double raft. The boys layed across our chests and we did floating laps around the river. They enjoyed the robotic beavers, water pails that the dumped water on your head as you floated by and getting sprayed in the face by the fountains. It was by far my favorite moment with them. Our little family, holding each other close together and laughing in the delight of it all. I lost count of how many laps we took around the lazy river.

After our fun at the waterpark, we went back to our room for some lunch and relaxation. Anderson took a great nap and Jake continued on with his nap strike. We were scheduled to stay another night but with Anderson's croup and Jake's one man circus show we decided to finish our sight seeing and head home to sleep.

Our trip concluded with another trip to view the falls and to ride the SkyWheel. The skywheel was pretty cool. I must admit that I was a little nervous, thoughts of ferris wheel mishaps ran through the back of my mind. The view was incredible and the boys were in total awe. Jake had no fear and Anderson was a little nervous but enjoyed it nonetheless. After our SkyWheel ride we all shared a gigantic carmel sundae and headed home....where everyone slept peacefully.

More pics...

Skywheel in Niagara Falls

View of the Falls from the Skywheel

Daddy and Jake ready for the ride in the sky

Anderson and Mommy in the Skywheel

In the lobby of the Great Wolf Lodge

Niagara Falls 2009-Day One

How we roll

Getting ready for bedtime

Trying out their new "beds" earlier in the day

Mommy and Anderson in front of the Falls

This week we took the boys for a short trip to Niagara Falls. We stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge. It was our first "family vacation" and the boys first time ever sleeping anywhere besides their crib at home. It was quite a challenge to pack for despite the fact that we were only going for 2 days. I tried to think of everything we would need and also wanted to bring some familiar things for the boys to make their first night away from home a little easier.

The boys were an absolute dream in the car. On the way there we stopped for lunch and the boys were excitedly telling the people sitting next to us all about the "waterfalls" and "slides" they were going to see. After lunch Anderson fell asleep for a bit but Jake stayed up chatting with us and singing his favorite Sesame songs.

When we arrived we headed right to the Falls. The boys walked along the waterfront enjoying the view and new surroundings. They took a ride in the stroller after tiring out and enjoyed perusing Clifton Hill. We picked up an awesome and unique first birthday gift for our friend Baby Simon while we were there!

When it was time to check in we headed to the Great Wolf Lodge. It was an awesome place for the little people. The boys were in awe of the giant tree, bears and wolves that greet you in the lobby. They liked them but definitely at a comfortable distance. Our room was great, it was HUGE for a hotel room. We had a nice balcony, a sitting area which was the perfect place for the pack n plays, and a mini kitchen. Our package included meals at their resteraunts so we enjoyed a nice dinner. After dinner we took the boys to the arcade where poor Anders bit it and got terrible rug burn under his nose :(. It was going to take a lot more than that to slow him down in an arcade. The boys pushed buttons, loved all the lights and noise and we didn't even have to spend a dime.

We took the boys back up to the room and tried to stick to our bedtime routine. Jake had bigger ideas. He partied till the wee hours of the morning. Laughing, singing, talking to his brother, jumping up an down, it was his own little sleepover. Anderson finally fell alseep admist the one man circus show called Jake. We finally turned on the TV and it took about an hour and half of TV to put him to sleep. I was crawling out of my skin because we try and limit TV. About 3 hours later he woke again and started back up. Then Anderson started coughing and wheezing and I knew that he was sounding croupy. The boys seem to get croup every few months. It was pretty mild, but of course with that and Jake's antics and I didn't get any sleep. In total I would say that Anderson slept 7 hours and Jake about 4-5 hours. A typical night's sleep is about 12 hours for them both.

We had a wonderful first day in Niagara Falls. Bedtime was of course not very fun but we didn't expect too much for their first overnighter.

Happy Easter

The boys woke this morning to a trail of eggs that led from their rooms to their baskets. They enjoyed their new cars, jammies, books and trike horns from the Easter bunny. We made a huge brunch that included Blueberry french toast bake, mini egg/cheese/ham souffles, Easter bread, fruit salad, kielbasa and coffee cake. It was yummy! Jake stuffed himself with kielbasa and anything else we placed in front of him.

After my family left we put the boys down for a nap but just as every other holiday they are on a nap strike. We will be heading to Kevin's family soon and their meltdown should occur perfectly timed with dinner.

Visit with the Easter Rabbit

Jake (L) and Anderson (R)

Settling down after being given an egg to hold

Not quite sure about this pink bunny

Waiting outside to see the Easter Rabbit

We went to visit the Easter Rabbit today. Although we call him the Easter Bunny, Anderson insists he is the Easter Rabbit. They did much better than I expected, both sat and smiled. My batteries went dead after the first shot but luckily the Easter Bunny's assistant saved the day with some extra batteries for us to borrow.

Earlier today we went to the McBride's house to color eggs. The boys enjoyed dipping the eggs in the colors and we even sponge painted a few. After the egg coloring the boys enjoyed lunch with Grant and Claire. They got to sit in the big chairs and use big spoons. Good Times!

Marcus Guitar

My grandfather, Marcus Guitar, passed away this morning. We were with him till late last night, I was able to tell him goodbye and that I loved him. I will remember his curly hair, gentle spirit, stories of growing up on a farm and warm smile.

Future Post

Jan. 19, 2010

What was I thinking ?!?!? I should have never given those binkies back.

After posting last night I decided to give them back. I slipped into their rooms and laid their binkies next to their sweet sleeping faces. Anderson awoke singing the praises of his beloved binky. It took about 30 minutes before he asked to get out of bed. Jake's had somehow fallen onto the floor during the night so he didn't have his but when Anderson showed him he was excited that his friend had returned. I'm relieved to report that they went right to sleep at naptime and slept for 2 hours!! This evening they never made a peep so I'll assume they fell asleep pretty quickly.

Anderson had adjusted pretty well being without it. Had it not been for Jake's madness, he probably would have never seen it again. However I just couldn't give it back to Jake without feeling incredibly guilty. Anderson loved his too, it just didn't feel right. I'm always trying to balance the scales...it can be exhausting.

Today Kevin and I took the boys to the hospital to see my Grandfather. He has alzheimer's disease and is not doing well. He stopped eating this past weekend so he was hospitalized and it looks as though he is forgetting how to swallow. He will most likely be moved to hospice next week. Unfortunately it is difficult to tell if he really recognizes anyone anymore. Regardless we will all pull together, surround him with love, and honor the wonderful loving father and grandfather that he has been.

The binkies are stressing me out! BIGTIME! Herein lies the problem....

*Both boys are waking an hour earlier than normal. This means a 6 a.m wake-up call. We are usually up by six during the week anyways but we are both getting dressed and need that time! Kevin has to leave for work and I like to get dressed and ready before they wake so that is one less thing I need to juggle while they are awake and need Mommy.

*They usually wake around 7 and are content to hang out in their cribs for 20-25 minutes. Now once they are up they are up! They want out of the cribs STAT! That means our day is starting about an hour and a half earlier than normal.

*Both are taking 30-60 minutes to fall asleep. With binkies they would quiet down in less than 10 minutes on most nights

*Jake has napped for about a total of 3 hours since taking them away on Saturday. No naps along with a shortened night time sleep means no fun for anyone.

Now the question is what to do. Press on even though everyone is stressed and tired? Wait it out to see if things settle back down? I go back and forth by the hour. I REALLY REALLY want to give them back. Everyone was much happier that way. As a mom of multiples I have no qualms saying I need that downtime everyday. Naptime maintains my sanity. It gives me time to do laundry, prep meals, unload the dishwasher, pay bills, and make a few phone calls.

For some reason I'm just having a hard time letting myself off the hook. I feel like we have to finish what we have started. That if we don't stop it now that it will be that much more of a struggle when they are 2.5 or 3 years old. I worry that the pacifiers could interfere with the proper development and growth of their bite and jaw. AHHH...I just don't know what to do.

The boys played outside for a bit today and as Jake was coming towards me from a distance he looked so little and tiny and I thought to myself that he still looks like such a baby. Babies need their binkies :(.

Bye bye binkies

After watching Supernanny on Friday evening and seeing two four year old twins with binkies I thought we might want to try and do away with ours. Thankfully the boys have only used their binkies at nap/bedtime since they were about 9 months old but they still LOVE them. I think part of the reason they don't really fight nap/bedtime is because they get their binkies.

We tried it for the first time with yesterday's nap. Anderson seemed okay with it, definitely not happy but okay. Jake was pretty ticked off. By the time we closed the door he was screaming and continued to scream for an hour and a half. About 20 minutes into the screaming, Anderson joined in and he screamed for about 45 minutes. Anderson finally fell asleep but not Jake. They were so upset about the whole situation that I think they lost track about what they were actually upset about. They screamed for milk, cars, getting up, socks off, but never for the binkies?!?!?!

At bedtime we stuck to our guns and tried again. It took a good half hour of chattering but they finally fell asleep with no tears. I put them down for their nap about a half hour ago and Jake is still chattering but Anderson has been quiet for about 15 minutes. They both asked again where their binkies were and I just told them we had to give them to the little babies that need them.

It looks like we are out of the woods with Anderson, he is doing great without the binky. We will just have to wait and see with Jake. If he doesn't nap today we are thinking we might give it back because at this point a well rested and happy toddler is priority number one in this household. But please.... don't tell Anderson!

Teeth...the good and the bad

Daddy and Jake

Edgar boys

Good News!! Anderson's abscess is finally looking better, almost to the point where you can hardly see traces of it! His gums look about 98% healthy but it has only been the past 48 hours. I took matters into my own desperate hands and started to rub a q-tip that was dipped in medicated mouthwash on it and it seems to have worked. It could be a total fluke, either way who cares! This is the most optimistic we have felt about it.

I'm not sure if I've said this before but the past month that Anderson has been on antibiodics we have had to wake him around 1 a.m. EVERY NIGHT to give him a dose. We don't stay up till 1 a.m., so this means setting an alarm, dragging out of bed, prepping the meds, and waking him up. I'm not a good sleeper. Once I'm up I have a very hard time going back to sleep. Kevin has been absolutely wonderful about doing it just about every night. I can count on one hand how many times I've had to do it and I am so grateful that he has excused me of that duty. What a guy and what a dad!

Today there was a bit of an incident. It has been been a week since Anderson has tried to bite anyone and before that I can't even remember the last time he bit. I thought we were phasing out of the biting but I was wrong. Today he and Jake were pushing cars around, a disagreement ensued, I thought I had solved the problem and proceeded to finish cleaning up breakfast. Seconds later I heard the familiar scream of Jake and I immediately felt my stomach drop to my feet. Anderson had bit Jake on the cheek and it was bad! I snatched Jake up and took him into another room, he was completely inconsolable and rightfully so. His cheek was red, swollen, and hot to the touch. When I put him to bed this evening it was still hot to the touch.

Anderson tried biting him again an hour or so later and he attempted to bite my Dad. I feel like I'm failing them both. Jake is such a sweetheart, I don't think the poor guy ever sees it coming and it's just not his nature to fight back. I feel like I didn't protect him. With Anderson I feel like I'm failing to give him the tools he needs to deal with his frustration and anger. It all happens so quickly, he goes from happy and jovial to frustrated and angry in seconds. I'm trying to balance showing him my disapointment and disapproval with trying not to starve him of affection. He is a very affectionate person, when it happens he knows he did wrong and wants me to hold him and reassure him. That is exactly what I want to do but I also don't want to undermind the seriousness of his biting. I'm trying to find that middle ground but I seem to have lost the map.

Quick update

Anderson went back to the dentist again yesterday. The decision was made to drain the abscess and continue with ANOTHER new antibiodic. Poor little guy had to be numbed up, and then poked with a needle to drain it. It looked a lot better yesterday after the draining but today it looks crappy again. So sadly we are back at square one.

Mr. Bear is back and other ramblings

We found Mr. Bear. Anderson was so delighted to find him that he actually welled up with happy tears. He was hugging him so tight and telling him "I found you, I love you!". I was so relieved.

I've been feeling pretty stressed lately....lots going on. First and foremost Anderson's tooth has me on complete tilt. He has been on antibiotics for over 3 weeks now, was tortured with a double root canal and he still has an abscess. He goes back on Friday for a follow-up and either way we've got nothing but bad news coming. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that either A they continue him on MORE antibiotics which scares the heck out of me, when is enough enough. Or B they want to pull the tooth. I'm scared, what if this infection worsens and turns very serious. What if his permanent teeth are in some sort of danger and how oh how will I ever be able to bring my baby back to the dentist for another frightening procedure. I HATE THIS and just want some kind of resolution.

Another problem we've been dealing with is the expulsion of our family from our pediatrician's office. Yes, we were told that we were no longer welcome because of our decision to delay vaccinations. This is the same dr's office I went to as a child so I'm pretty comfortable there. The boys were vaccinated on schedule for the first 6 months of life and after much research and soul searching we decided (not lightly by any means) that we would delay vaccinations till we felt more comfortable. Our pediatrician's office has always given us a hard time about it, but we felt it was the best decision for our children. When we took the boys to their 2 year well visit we decided that we would start back up the vaccinations but at a slow pace so that by school age they would be up to speed.

Apparently the office made a new policy for 2009 and said that anyone who refused or delayed vaccinations were no longer welcome as patients. Maybe I was in denial or naive to think they wouldn't really kick us out, but last week they called me at home and told me it was official and to come pick up our records. So for the past few days I've been trying to network with people and find a new home for us where we will feel comfortable but that is no easy task as most people feel very strongly about vaccinating. I've been lectured on the phone by nurses, found myself in unwelcomed debates and in a mess of tears. I really have no interest in debating with people why we have chosen the path that we have. No one is going to convince me otherwise just as I don't plan on trying to change anyone else's mind to the contrary.

One thing I have learned as a new mother is that decisions regarding our children are extremely personal. Since becoming a mom my judgement of other parents has gone out the window. Parenting is tough, making decisions about the lives of little human beings is tough. We all have to do what we have to do to make it through the day and its not up to me to decide for another family what is right or wrong for THEIR family. In the end I think I have found a good place for us. The boys will go in two weeks for a physical and to meet their new dr.

The other stress keeping me up at night is the possibility of a close family member losing their job. I don't want to go into details for the sake of privacy but its really got me in a funk. Living in Michigan means that most people you know either work in the auto industry or for a company that depends on the auto industry. Damn these auto companies, I wish they had done a better job keeping their employees safe.

Weekend Update

Buzz Lightyear lightup shoes

Buzz and Woody wannabes

Anderson showing Mommy his new shirt

Watching the shoes light up

Jake lovin his new diggs

The boys are feeling better. Fevers are gone, appetites are returning but some crankiness remains. We had a busy weekend, the weather was decent so we stayed on the go. On Saturday we went to our very first gymnastics class. Anderson and Jake got to try the balance beam, uneven bars and a little spring board. They enjoyed themselves but seemed a little overwhelmed. There were a lot of children there and it wasn't the most organized class but at least they got to get out of the house.

Later in the afternoon we headed to Great Lakes Crossing for the Disney Outlet Store. The boys have been obsessed lately with Toy Story. They love watching the movie and saying "To infinity and beyond"! So we went to the store to see if we could find them a Woody or Buzz shirt to wear. They were having a huge sale so we were able to buy them 2 different Toy Story shirts, a Cars shirt, and Cars p.j's. We also bought them some Buzz Lightyear lightup shoes (not on sale)....we just couldn't resist. Kevin and I are so excited to take them to Disney in August! They have spent a considerable amount of time wearing them around the house to watch them light up. They even like to take them off, hit the bottoms and watch them light up.

Today we ran some errands and went to the park. The park close to our home isn't open yet, so we tried a different one. It has a smaller playscape which is more manageable for the boys. We don't have to hover over them so much and they enjoy their independence. We also took them for a walk on the trails. They touched some cattails, picked up acorns and watched a squirrel digging a hole. It doesn't take much, they are so sweet.

Tonight we had a major crisis on our hands. We have lost Mr. Bear. Mr. Bear is Anderson's lovie. He LOVES and ADORES Mr. Bear. We can hear him talking to him in his crib telling him "I love you Mr. Bear" all the time. We have no idea where he is. The only time Mr. Bear has left the house was to go to Anderson's double root canal. We never take him out because we don't want to lose him. So he has got to be somewhere in the house, but after turning the house upside down we still can't find him. Anderson took it like an absolute champ. He was sad and very disappointed, his little lip sticking out and trembling as I told him we just can't find him and he'll have to go to bed without him. He didn't freak or tantrum but it took him a good hour to fall asleep. Generally when we put him down he is out within minutes. I'm not sure what we are going to do?!?!?!

Ever have one of those days? We're having one of those weeks

Anderson rocks out

Holding on by a thread

Anderson and Daddy playing with playdough

Jake showing off his creation

Kev and his lil buddies

Jake showing Mommy his Mr. Potato Head playdough creation

Today was a challenge. Kevin and I are mentally and physically drained. We took Anderson back to the dentist so that the dr. could examine the seriousness of his abscess. The decision was made to switch antibiodics (for a third time) and see what happens. I REALLY don't want him to lose the tooth so I guess we have no other choice than to continue him on meds. Jake was still feeling crappy so it was a long day with him. He was understandably short tempered, moody, and whiny.

We thought if we could just get him to naptime and he slept a good amount that he would turn a corner. He was exhausted when we layed him down and after an hour the phone rang. I usually take the phone off the hook, but today I didn't. It woke him up and he was a blubbering, crying mess. It took a long time to settle him, he refused to go back to sleep and of course he woke his brother with all of the noise and resistance. That is when we went from bad to worse.

Jake was so tired he had trouble keeping his eyes open. We broke our TV rules and let him watch as much as he wanted. I was hoping he might fall asleep but never did. He cried over everything little thing. We got desperate and opened Christmas/Birthday gifts I had set aside to open during the summer when they needed some new stuff. This would work for about 10 minutes and then the chaos would start back up.

As the afternoon wore on, Anderson's lack of a full nap began to catch up with him. It was ugly. When we finally couldn't take anymore we decided an early bedtime was in order, even if it means we will be woken up tomorrow morning at 5 a.m. So be it.

:(

I've been procrastinating writing any kind of update to Anderson's double root canal because I just didn't want to re-live it. Today I felt like maybe I could do it without getting too upset but tonight after giving him a bath I lifted his lip to see if his abscess was completely gone yet and it was twice the size I have ever seen it over the past two weeks!

His procedure was completed on Wednesday. It was awful, they were running an hour behind, he was hysterical and drugged up, I couldn't comfort him or be with him in the way I wanted and by the end of the day I was feeling like I was in total panic attack mode. I literally felt like I was having a heart attack whilst decompressing from such an emotional day.

Tonight I called the emergency line about his abscess. We have to bring him back first thing in the morning. He is going to hate us. I can't even imagine what his reaction is going to be when we try and take him back tomorrow. Even worse I can't even imagine what will happen if they have to pull his tooth. I'd rather take the pliers to my own teeth with no anathestic then make him go through something so scary again.

Did I mention Jake has been running a fairly high fever today? Tylenol and Motrin haven't been able to break it, it still hovers around 101. We took him to the dr. after he complained of ear pain. The dr. said his ears are fine that his molars are coming in which is causing ear pain. The fever he is running is from a virus of some sort. Now we all wait to see who the next victim will be.